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December 14th, 2003

Well, if you've caught up with me lately you'll know I've been battling the flu. I guess that's what I get for doing so much clinical work lately. Thank you CDC for releasing the wrong flu vaccine this fall. I've spent the last 4 or 5 days wrapped up in fuzzy blankets with chicken soup delivered from the deli down the street (thanks Allen) and full of drugs. Talk about medicine head :-P Such bad timing too. I have a whole week of exams coming up and it's still hard to get out of bed. *Sigh* Someone want to take them for me? At least after this week we have 10 days off. So barring any catastrophic events, I should be around a bit more soon. I was planning on adding some more to the site this weekend but my protracted illness kind of dampened that idea. So I guess you all have to suffer with me :-P Hope you're all a lot healthier than I am.

K, for those of you who don't know, I still have to fully "disclose" my transsexuality to my parents. Ha and you thought I was so on top of things. In all honesty, they have a good idea about what's going on in my life but I haven't sat down yet with them and had "The Talk". That all changes after Christmas. I thought maybe I'd try to avoid rocking the boat until the new year. At this point you're all prolly asking, "But how can they not know what's going on when you've been on HRT so long and all the other stuff?" Well, I think that's probably because I don't see my parents very often (though they only live an hour or two away). I think I may have seen them twice since I started HRT 8 months ago. Long story short I'm not all that close with my parents. I was close with my mom when I was little. My dad used to work 80 to 100 hours a week so we rarely saw him. However, both my parents were pretty busy all the time so for the most part I kind of raised myself. Eventually they were seperated (I think when I was 14 or 15) and my mom became distant and started spending even less time at home. My dad decided that he wanted to finally spend more time with his children and although he tried fairly diligently, it was difficult. Still, I'm much closer now with my dad than my mom. He's changed his life a lot. They've since divorced. So at any rate, after Christmas they'll get the formal anouncement from me. I expect my mom to mostly disown me (there are complicated issues here that I won't get into) but then our relationship at this point is rather superficial anyways. My dad will prolly be confused but I expect him to be more understanding on some level. Odd, you'd think it would generally be the mother that would be more excepting in these situations but live and learn I suppose. Maybe once things are settled in the open it will give me a big push towards going fulltime. I'm planning on talking with the health and wellness center at my school after break to let them know of my impending switch. We'll see how things go. Promise to keep you all up to date.

"Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
Can't take the person staring back at me
I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else "

--Pink



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