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November 2nd, 2003

Spent Halloween at home handing out candy to little goblins and ghosts etc. It was a really long week of school and I desperately needed that night to cheer me up a bit. Little kids are so cute and innocent, it's nice to just let go of your troubles and live vicariously through them for an evening. Later that night, long after the tricker treaters had all gone to bed I thought back on the days when I would have been out canvasing the neighborhood, looking for candy. That was a real downer. Halloween always meant pretending to be something you weren't for a night which was nothing new to me back then. I pretended to be something I wasn't every day of the year. I gave up on Halloween at a young age, just wasn't worth it and of course I could never go in the costumes I really wanted to anyways.

I spent late Friday night watching a movie with a good friend and everything was okay until the movie ended and she asked me why I had been so quiet lately and what was on my mind. She has some idea of what's going on with me (i.e. the whole transgender thing), but I haven't been totally upfront with her about all of it. Well, the long week and everything came to a head and I sort of dumped on her with all my issues. Ended up completely bawling, and even though it felt good to let it out it hurt too because she shouldn't have to deal with all that garbage. She was awesome as always. I just wish i was as good a friend to her. Life goes on.

Hope you all had a happy Halloween. Don't eat too much candy.


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