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November 20th, 2003

I know, I know, but sorry, I've been sooooo busy. So Thanksgiving break is coming up near the beginning of next week which is great. I really need a break from school. Plus it will give me some time to catch up here at my site and straighten things out a bit, plus i promise to add some more pictures. I've been considering my time frame for transitioning the last few weeks (on top of everything else) and I really want to do the right thing. I'm in a bit of a difficult place. I was really hoping to go fulltime (as in present as female 100% of the time) as soon as possible, but I may need to put that on hold a little. No that I wouldn't continue on with hormone treatment and electro and surgical intervention etc. etc. but just that I may have to endure a bit more time as a guy at school than I originally planned on. For one thing, the major I'm in means that I'm with the same group of people for the next 2.5 years still. Could be good and bad, but point is, no fresh start someplace where no one knows me which would mean finishing transition "in the public eye". Not that I couldn't do it, not that I couldn't not do it. Ha, figure that one out. So anyways, meaning it needs more thought. My other option would be to wait until I finished school and then go look for my internship (can't jump right into the field in my profession) as me. This has it's ups and downs too, mainly the down being that it's 2.5 years away which might kill me in the interim. Of course the other alternative isn't really an alternative at all. That being, wait until I finish everything and then finish my transition. Won't work for me, could be as long as 12.5 years from now. If I'm not living as me by then, someone please be kind and put me out of my misery. So yeah, it's been bugging me lately. 2.5 years even seems like too long to wait but what can a girl do?

"Time, why you punish me?
Like a wave crashing into the shore
You wash away my dreams
Time, why you walk away?
Like a friend with somewhere to go
You left me crying

Can you teach me 'bout tomorrow
And all the pain and sorrow running free?
'Cause tomorrow's just another day
And I don't believe in...time..."

--Hootie


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